Fifty three. After the massacre on Sunday, there are now 53 people dead in the LGBTQ+ community. I've been trying so hard to process how to feel and deal with this. There are so many words I could use to paint how my soul feels.
Pain. Sorrow. Isolation. Anger. Disgust. Sadness. Frustration. Confusion. But mostly, I am exhausted.
Pain. Sorrow. Isolation. Anger. Disgust. Sadness. Frustration. Confusion. But mostly, I am exhausted.
To all my lbtq+ family...I love you all. We face a lot, you know, and so many of you are so strong. You've faced so much more in your life than anyone should, for something so simple to understand. If anyone needs an open ear, or an empty shoulder, I am here. God loves you, I love you, you are amazing. Know that.
But I want to talk to my straight friends now.
Many of you are posting about your prayers going towards those in the Orlando massacre and others affected by it. First, I want to thank you for all your prayers. It is great to see people join together and show care in a time like this. There are many of you who are such good people at heart. You try to spread love, and show that you see our pain in situations like this. You share joy when we find someone to date. You celebrate our right to marry. You are our friends.
But I am now challenging you to take a step further. I’m calling you to not use this simply for your own islamophobia. For your own hatred. This man wasn't just an ISIS terrorist. He was enraged by seeing two gay men kissing, and decided to directly attack our community in one of the few places we feel safe.
I want you to understand, this is terrifying. I go to clubs like this. They allow me to have fun, to let go, to forget what it’s like to worry about not being straight and just dance.
I want you to understand, this is terrifying. I go to clubs like this. They allow me to have fun, to let go, to forget what it’s like to worry about not being straight and just dance.
Everyday, LGBTQ+ people live in fear. Our existence alone is a radical expression of bravery. I live in fear for my life because of this. I fear every time I have to come out to someone, because it is never just a one time thing. I fear every time I wear a gay pride shirt. Anytime I say the word boyfriend. Anytime I talk about gay rights. Anytime I get out of my car with my equality sticker on the back. Anytime I wear something not in the stereotypical straight male fashion. Every time I walk past a group of men on the street. Every time I'm walking alone at night after work. Every time I go to a new church. All of it leaves me riddled with fear. Only in a few places do I feel like I don't have to worry about being attacked because of my sexuality.
And if we're being honest, some of you are to blame. You’ve agreed with people who call us disgusting. You’ve agreed with people who call us pedophiles, who say we're going to hell. You’ve said our right to marry is because the country is going down the drain. You shun us from your churches. You verbally accost us when we hold our partners hand in public. When the older generations talk hatefully, you defend them and say it's just because of their age, yet you don't teach your children not to use slurs that are thrown at us like daggers or to show us respect. You say we're better when we don't shove it in your face. You get outraged when we appear on your TV shows, or get attention in the media. You sit in silence when your friends or pastor preach hate. You ignore our endless torment. You make comments when we are still in the closet, unaware of how you’re speaking hate in our very presence. You momentarily mourn the loss of young souls driven to suicide, wondering what could have led them there, and then move on, simply glad it wasn’t someone you know. You erase us from history. You’ve turned a blind eye as we’re kicked out for being ourselves, as we’ve been turned away from homeless shelters, as we aren’t allowed to give blood. You watch as we are fired from our jobs. You say things like “Why can’t I have straight pride?”. You only like us when we’re quiet, simply existing, where you can “hate the sin, but love the sinner”. You continue to oppress us, yet wonder why we are so angry and fight so hard. You may have not shot the gun, but you helped provide the bullets.
And I’m tired of it. You say you love your neighbors, but still do things like this. None of it is okay. At all. This moves past your simple opinion or belief if something is “right”. It is murdering people. Breaking people.
But, I forgive you. Not because I understand. Not because I think it’s okay. Not because I want to be the bigger person. I forgive you because the God I serve is a God of forgiveness, of undying and unconditional love. Unconditional love that sees that I’m gay and still plans on using me in the kingdom. A God that shows me how my own judgement and love is past my own understand, but should be looked at in holy eyes. A God and love that teaches me everyone is made in the holy image of God, beautiful and sacred.
I am not blaming you for being straight. I am not mad at you for being straight. Some of you are good allies. I am not mad at you for existing. But you have to understand, that is something I have to deal with every day when I wake up. This man was so enraged by lgbtq people existing that he went into a place where we feel safe and made it a place of war and death.
I have friends who are now terrified to go to work. I've seen post about people who are even more terrified to come out now. I have friends who are angry, who are heart broken, who are hurting. We are all hurting. You have to understand why for many of us, saying we are in your prayers is like petting us with a long stick, keeping your distance from the real situation.
I am not blaming you for being straight. I am not mad at you for being straight. Some of you are good allies. I am not mad at you for existing. But you have to understand, that is something I have to deal with every day when I wake up. This man was so enraged by lgbtq people existing that he went into a place where we feel safe and made it a place of war and death.
I have friends who are now terrified to go to work. I've seen post about people who are even more terrified to come out now. I have friends who are angry, who are heart broken, who are hurting. We are all hurting. You have to understand why for many of us, saying we are in your prayers is like petting us with a long stick, keeping your distance from the real situation.
In the New Testament, Jesus tells us in Mark 12:30-31 “and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”
None of your behaviors are congruent with these, the two greatest commands of Jesus. The one who came to bridge the gap between the Earth and Heaven, so that we can feel and see the unconditional love of God. The one who loved the woman at the well, who loved the Samaritan, who loved the tax collectors. If we truly believe that everyone is made in the image of God, and are following these two commandments, the minute we kick someone out of our church or turn a cold shoulder to them because of their sexuality, we turning away God.
We can not let hateful speech and behaviors continue to spread through the church anymore. I pray that this massacre lets you see that. It is time we start loving, unconditionally, even if it is outside our own understanding. This love we as Christians are called to show is supposed to be messy. Its supposed to be community. Unending. Powerful. Not simply showing your condolences, but being the hands and feet of Jesus Christ.
So, I am challenging you to take a step further. Talk to your LGBTQ+ neighbors. Love them. Try to understand them. Ask if they are oka Check on your gay friend. Acknowledge your bi friend’s sexuality as valid. Ask your transgender friend about their preferred pronouns. Donate to organizations that help LGBTQ+ homeless youth. Stand up when others start speaking hatefully. Take in youth if you have an open room. Stop saying things like love the sinner, hate the sin. Vote for bills that protect LGBTQ+ people. Recognize erasure in the media, in history. There is so much you can do, so much love you can spread. Invite them to your Bible study. Don’t treat them as a lost causes to pray for and pity. Partake in communion with them, in fellowship, worship with them. You have for years. It’s time to start looking at them not as an other but for what they really are. They are children of God.
It's time to start backing up your love, all in, no matter what, just as God continues to love us no matter what.
It's time to start backing up your love, all in, no matter what, just as God continues to love us no matter what.
But do not forget what this was. It was a hate crime. It was pure hatred. But we can not let this fill us with hate. We must convert it to love, and put more of it out into the universe. Unconditional, whole, agape love.
I pray that the souls lost on Sunday find a peaceful rest. I pray for the LGTBQ+ community, who is still grieving. I pray for the Latinx community, as the event attacked was a special event for them. I pray that people open their eyes and hearts to how serious situations like this are. I pray for Omar Mateem’s soul. I pray for his family. I pray for the Muslim community which will be wrongfully attacked. I pray for Orlando. I pray for Florida. I pray for the US. I pray for the world. I pray for peace.
It’s time to stop living an Old Testament mentality in a New Testament world. Let love motivate you in everything you do, consume you from the inside and out, and show it to those who need it.
